Its common to see hyper-achievers in my coaching journey. They have it all - position, power, achievement, success. Name it. They have it.
The work place most often adores them, treats them admirably.
They are offered the best of opportunities.
They are open. They like challenging work.
They seem to have arrived. Atleast it appears so.
During our conversations, in some of them the restlessness for the next big thing is palpable. When we dig deeper we find an insatiable void that cannot be filled. The void stems from tagging one’s self worth to external achievements & success. One day they go missing, there is emptiness that according to them should not exist.
Emptiness prevents their peace of mind. There is a drive to shove something on to the void so that it does not feel empty. There is always an under-current of what they do -
I will be happy “when” I get/have ……
The constant need to avoid the void keeps them on the run.
They ran yesterday, they run today and they keep running everyday.
"What value do you bring to the table?" is a question we are constantly asked wherever we go. So we know to answer that well. We answer that question with ease : credentials + experience + achievements Vs need of the business/organisation/relationship.
Now if we are asked the question - what’s your self worth? We are sure to think before answering that. That seems a little hard and difficult to answer.
Self worth is one’s own value as a person.
Your Value Vs Self worth is how the world looks at you Vs how you look at yourself.
In some of us, like the hyper-achievers I have described above, we have constantly strived to increase the value that the world perceives of us with our next achievement. Thats why we are on the run.
However we have seldom paused to think when will we be valuable in our own eyes?
Interestingly, self-worth is not so hard to raise. It rises in a moment spent well with your child, a moment spent admiring the flowers in your garden, the call that you make to your parents, the spiritual practice you do, a non-agenda conversation you have, a little less self-criticism when you fail, a supportive action for your spouse, a learning that gives you joy, that something that makes you feel alive, and so on. Whats important is you define what it should be and take one step at a time towards it. The world has to mind its own business!
Beware that the world will never ask you about self-worth. Its the sole beneficiary if you never think about it :-)
This post is not to say - don't go after increasing the value you bring to the table on the outside. Its to say, feel like a king inside when you do so! Being at peace with who you are inside will give you the calmness to be your best self outside. Seek a balance!
Moments that matter can be created to increase your self worth.
Define them, Create them, Live them ! Who said anything about the void?