Breaking the "People pleaser" Trap

Leadership at senior levels requires you to

• Take a stance

• Draw boundaries

• Say No

• Own unpopular decisions

• Handle conflicts & engage

When a senior leader is unable to do any of the above:

• They become burnt out

• Everyone likes them but they don't move ahead

• They are unhappy as their need comes last

• Their energy plummets during conflicts

Broadly called "people pleasing", this quality can derail executives on their career path if not their life path.

While the most common reason sited for this behaviour is "I don't want to hurt anyone" or "I prefer harmony over conflict", the question remains: Would you be able to grow more without it?

In most instances, the answer is "yes".

So if you are a people pleaser currently and want to explore ways to overcome being one, the below are worth thought & action.

1. What is it costing you and what else?

Sometimes, we chose to ignore what is obvious because we don't consciously reflect on it.

• What is the people pleasing really costing you? and what else?

• Is it your growth? Is it your satisfaction?

• Is it a disdain of your own needs ?

• Is it your time and energy?

What is the real cost and how long will you brush it under the carpet? Is it a broken you & a broken organisation?

2. Who are you surrounding yourself with?

Your life experience can significantly be altered by the 5 people whom you spend the most time with.

If they are people, who too are people pleasers, it will appear to you that it is the right way to be.

They are not going to tell you that there is a different way of being.

Surround yourself with a few who are direct and on the face, have solid boundaries & take accountability of their needs. You can only learn from your complements.

3. What is the need to wear the benevolent garb?

The rational justification for being a people pleaser is - 'I don't want to hurt someone.'

What if:

• you are hurting yourself instead?, don't you deserve the same consideration?

• You are making it about others, but actually you want to belong everywhere and not get rejected or abandoned by any one? Is that not being selfish?

• There is no knight in shining armour who will draw boundaries for you and become the bad cop for you?

If you are looking to be a leader who is respected, you need to pay the cost of being "not liked by all, all the time".

Are you willing?

#coaching #executivecoaching #peoplepleaser